To be a real human being, you must try…
1. To care about someone and something more than yourself.
2. To accept help from someone even when you believe you don’t need anyone.
3. To cheer people up and bring them simple joy in times when it seems hardest to smile.
4. To bring loving comfort and sincere hugs in the midst of violence, pain, and suffering.
5. To recognize your own shortcomings and failings before lashing out at another’s weakness.
6. To have true compassion when someone’s in a bad mood, with the understanding that they might be going through a hardship you’re not aware of.
7. To constantly remember that life is a fragile and precious miracle which requires all our collective effort to protect.
8. To humbly work to improve our own defects and cut everyone else a little more slack.
9. To remember that being a loving and positive person isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
10. And lastly, to never give up on the power of humanity and on your own potential to be a caring, loving person."
At it again. Not sleeping tonight. Too broke to call doc for sleeping pills.
It’s times like this I want to crawl on my husbands lap and tell him how much he means to me. There are truly no words to express how much better he made my life. Corey met me when I was an unhappy waitress, dissatisfied with where I was in life. He proposed four months after our first date and always made me feel the way I dreamed my Prince Charming would. he knows how I feel without having to explain it. He knows what I want without having to ask. He knows what I need before I have any inkling.
I’m fully aware that I’m not an easy person to stay friends with. I’ve lost probably 6-7 friends that I knew for close to a decade and each of them will tell you it’s my fault and that I’m too difficult. I’m constantly trying to be a better person and I have had A LOT to work on growing up. But Ive never loved respected or needed anyone as much as I do Corey. No one is perfect and neither are relationships but the value we place on each other makes every fight cry laugh smile disagreement worth it. We are constantly learning evolving and growing our love to nurture each other and create a bond that people look at with envy.
I want to thank him for all the times I give up, throw a tantrum, or embarrass myself with anger and every time he pulls me out of my shell and makes me realize that we are better than that. He taught me to over come and relax, two things that we’re missing in my life before him. He is still teaching me how harmful over analyzing is and how it can be a skill if applied correctly but living with it daily is useless and detrimental to well being. We are learning together how to unwind in healthy ways after brutal work weeks made of 10+ hours gone from the house m-f. I know I’m blessed to have my best friend and soul mate to keep me grounded and make me smile daily.
I can’t wait for him to wake up later so I can tell him all of this.
I can’t sleep. It is a really miserable feeling to beg and cry out to the moon and the stars for just five hours of sleep. I need 8 to feel normal but with at least five my day isn’t ruined. I can’t sleep because my grandmother is dying. I can’t sleep because my mom is so sad about the is fact that I think we are losing her. I can’t sleep because I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because my husband sleeps diagonally on a queen bed and I’m literally hanging off the mattress. I can’t sleep because my dog licks himself for hours on end, especially after midnight. I can’t sleep because I want to start a family with my husband. Not like make babies right now but I want us to work in the same city so we aren’t commuting 10+ hours a w eek. I want a home with our pictures everywhere, instead of his bachelor pad condo I moved into.
I can’t sleep because when I close my eyes my brain turns on more than ever. Endless flood of memories, sights, feelings, places and things are racing through my mind. It’s not normal and not fair. My body and mind should be able to turn off to function properly as a human and sleep. I took 20mg (think the normal dose is 5 and max should be 10) of melatonin 3 hours ago and here I am wide awake.
I hate this.